A Word From the Lord

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" --2 Corinthians 12:8-9

This particular scripture came up twice in my time with the Lord tonight, and it's clear that this was no coincidence. I have to confess that my life has felt a little bit out of control lately and that I've wanted to rein it in a bit. But here's the real confession... it's no more out of control than it is any other time; it's just that I've not taken the time I need with the Lord to be reminded that it's not my job to keep it all in order anyway.

I'm going to take a minute to outline some of the thoughts that have been running through my head for the last few weeks:

• If I could just catch up on my laundry, I'd feel so relieved...
• If I could just get my house cleaned all at once.... It would be so great to just take an evening and relax in it.
• If I could only find time to update our financial records in Quicken...
• If I could only find time to organize all the photos I had printed... and put them in albums... and label them...
• If I could only find a pair of jeans that fit me... (not as big a deal as some of the others, but still a bigger concern than it needs to be)
• If I could only find time to exercise and get my body back to a size that will allow me to wear my pre-Gabe clothing so I can actually enjoy the clothing I already own...
• If only I could catch up on my sleep...
• If I could only find time to keep up with all my friends and family and invest in all kinds of people the way I want to...
• If only I "had more time" to spend in the Word and reading...
• If I could only.....................................................

You can see why this seems outrageously exhausting! Have I accomplished any of these things? NO! But will I EVER accomplish any of these things? NO!!!! It's insane to think it's possible. There's always dirty laundry because we wear clothing while we run the washer. There will always be a dirty floor because we always step on two seconds after we clean it. I will never have all my photos in order because we're always printing new ones to organize. I might possibly get my body back down to its most healthy state, but the fact of the matter is that I am getting older, and it is NOT going to look the same as when I was 18. And as long as I continue to make new friends and watch our family expand, I will never have enough time in my life to keep up with everyone the way I would like.

So, in the end, what does this all boil down to? I'm only human. I am weak, and I can't do everything. I will still always strive for excellence, but there's a reason that the Lord gave me these things to deal with... so I can SEE with my own eyes that I have limitations... and that He does not. The daily tasks on my list are important because He has asked me to fulfill my role as a wife, mother, friend, and member of the Body. However, because I will never be able to keep up on my own, I will always need to lean on the Lord for strength and encouragement.

I'm still reading Future Grace by John Piper. In today's reading, I came across this quote:

'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Here we see grace given in the form of Christ's sustaining power in unrelieved affliction--one grace given in the circle of another grace denied. And Paul responded with faith in the sufficiency of this future grace: 'Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me' (2 Corinthians 2:9)....

We should not be suprised that God gives us wonderful graces in the midst of suffering that we had asked him to spare us. He knows best how to apportion his grace for our good and for his glory.

I probably wouldn't apply the word "affliction" to my daily trials, but all of these things are definitely challenges. And if I lose focus, I can become afflicted with a much higher level of anxiety than I would otherwise experience. So, as I look back at the last two days, I'm praising the Lord for the 50-minute walk in the park with the boys, the MOSTLY clean floors, the ALMOST finished laundry, the cookout we had with our neighbors tonight, the two hours that Chet spent with the boys this morning so I could get a full 8 hours of sleep for one night, and the cabinet that closes so I don't have to stare at the unfiled receipts and photos to put away. Above all, I'm thankful for the last hour of time reflecting on the Word, as this was likely the most productive hour of it all.