We had a few errands to run today. At one of our stops, the doors were light enough for Ladan to open, so he held the door for me as I pushed Gabe through. Afterwards, I said something like, "Thanks, Bud! You were being a gentleman when you held the door open and helped me. A gentleman is a man who helps others."
He replied, "Yeah, I'm the man." He doesn't even know what this phrase means and was certainly not saying it in a prideful way, but it came out so funny that I laughed out loud. What a great kid!
And here are a couple stories that show we still need some more training....
When we were traveling last weekend, we stopped at the gas station to fuel up, use the restroom, and get a quick snack. A larger woman walked into the restroom, and Ladan asked, "Mom, does she have a big tummy?" Yikes!
A few days before that, we were at an appointment, and a very large lady walked through the door we were exiting. I asked Ladan to step back and help hold the door for her so she could come through (which I would have done if she was 4'10'' and 85 pounds). He said, "Mom, that lady has a big body." Oh gracious!
The thing is that he wasn't speaking maliciously in either of the situations. He was simply stating the facts very politely. Compared to a very tall and skinny 4-year-old, their tummies/bodies were very big. He just has an uncanny ability to state the facts at the most inopportune times. In both situations, we've walked outside, and I've had to explain that, even if those things are true, we just don't say them. I had to explain that, even though adults are constantly telling kids how cool it is that they're getting bigger and bigger, it's not seen as very nice when people talk about adults being big. This is a pretty difficult concept for a kid to understand... that for half of the population, it's seen as a compliment to say that someone is big, and for the other half, it's seen as hurtful and even shameful in some cases.
I'm thankful to the Lord that Ladan doesn't automatically see a large person and think negative thoughts. If he did, it would surely come out in his tone. I'm still trying to figure out how I can explain that he shouldn't say this stuff out loud in a way that makes sense to him and that doesn't cause him to think negative things that he wouldn't have thought otherwise. Any helpful ideas?
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4 comments:
I think its developmental. I just took some more TDP classes for teaching primary grades, and, as you said, he's just being honest.
I am very sensetive about body issues and comments. I hope to raise my children in such a way that they will compliment people on other qualities, such as humor, loyalty, cheerfullness, etc. instead of on physical appearance. When kids always hear "You're so cute!" or "You're getting so big!" or things like that, I think it sets them up to feel like its okay to comment on other people's bodies, too. And I don't think it is okay.
PS - My sister said one of the exact same things very loudly in Walmart once. My mom was mortified, and my sister grew up to be a kind (though a bit outspoken) adult!
Elijah has said something similar. One time when he saw a larger women, he asked if she had a baby in her tummy.
haha. well, we after reading your blog, this morning i took Titus and Justus to a near by starbucks. While the baby slept, Titus and I read 5 or 6 books. It was fun, but as we entered the starbucks there was a young girl, probably a bit younger than us, sitting in a chair just as you walk in, reading a book. Lets just say that her V neck shirt was MORE than revealing. It was one of those V necks that are absolutely, with out a doubt, if your flat chested or not, suppose to have a shirt under it...but she didnt get that memo.
At anyrate, the position she was sittng made the area that was not properly clothed about eye level for Titus. It was the first thing I noticed when we entered and I just knew Titus was going to ask about it! Since I am breast feeding he hasnt asked many questions, he has just concluded that girls have a part of their stomach that gives babies milk. (we havent corrected him!) He just calls them my stomach.
So the entire time I was reading to him I made sure he stayed clear of this girl, I just knew he would ask "mommy, why is that girls stomach hanging out of the top of her shirt?" but we escaped with out it happening!
So I would also love some advice...I do like mrs. haid's advice about complenting on other things like humor to counter the all the time"you are so big," or "you are so cute"
Good gracious! This is exactly the question... what do you do IN THAT MOMENT when your kid says, "Mom, she has a big tummy," or "Mom, why is her stomach hanging out of her shirt?" Any thoughts?
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