Man vs. Woman -- No One Wins In This Competition

I was just sitting down to take a quick break from packing, and I thought I'd check my e-mail. I get the daily feed from the Desiring God blog, a ministry of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, MN. One of today's entries titled "Over My Dead Body, Son" was written by John Piper. In response to the fact that a girl is going to the MN state wrestling championship for the first time, Piper provides an excellent call to those of us parenting boys (and particularly to the dads of boys) to help our sons think and act in a God-honoring fashion, specifically in the sports arena. After all, it can be a training ground for all of life. Here are a couple of excerpts, but you MUST check out the entire entry here:

"Come on, dads, have some courage. Just say, 'Over my dead body are you going to wrestle a girl.' Of course, they will call you prudish. But everything in you knows better.... Give your sons a bigger nobler vision of what it is to be a man. Men don't fight against women. They fight for women....

... This is not about courageous commitment to equality; it's about wimpy fear of criticism for doing what our hearts know is right.

... we should raise sons to think of themselves as protectors. Tell them they should lay their lives down to protect girls. Help them know that God designed them to grow up to be a picture of Jesus in their marriage. Nurture the instinct of a boy to fight for girls not against them."

For us, this training has started at the toddler stage. The boys are simply not allowed to wrestle or tackle girls. And even when they play football with me, we're helping them learn the difference between playing gently with Mommy and getting to go all out with Daddy. When we wrestle or tackle, they know they need to be gentle because I'm a girl... and because they're protecting the tiny baby growing inside me. And even then, we tell them over and over again that they cannot for any reason tackle or wrestle with another girl. Hopefully it sticks.

When I was in high school, there was a girl wrestler at one of the other schools in our district... and she was really good! I can't remember if she made it state, but she made it very far, that's for sure. Piper is definitely right to talk about how we can train our boys to care for and protect girls, but as a female myself, I think there is also something to our role in not trying to defeat the men around us. Talk about setting these guys up for total humiliation! Any guy who got beat by this girl was completely embarrassed to even walk through the halls of his school.

As women, there will be plenty of "manly" things at which we may excel... but it doesn't mean that we have to exercise all of those gifts in a competitive way. After all, if we do this, we're in danger of squashing the God-given desire of the men around us to love and cherish us, to honor and protect us. OF COURSE this does not mean that we are incapable of taking care of ourselves sometimes or that we have nothing to contribute to the world around us or that we can NEVER play a game of basketball or soccer against men/boys.

However, there is a certain way to handle ourselves as we enjoy these activities without crushing the men around us. For example, before my c-sections, I used to be able to hold Chet in my arms (under his back and legs) and swing him in circles. I could have flung him across the room I guess, but that wasn't the point. It was just fun, and we both thought it was fairly hilarious seeing as how he was at least 80 pounds heavier and 7 inches taller than me. I would have crossed the line if I had swung him around, flopped him down on the ground, pinned him to the floor, stood over him shouting in victory, and then told all my friends and the newspaper about how weak my husband was compared to me. Visualizing that picture makes me laugh in one sense because it's so ridiculous. But in reality, if I was actually capable of doing this and really carried it through with a heart to defeat this man, can you imagine what that would do to destroy our relationship and his ability to adopt his God-given role as leader of our home?

I definitely think it is fair to say that a woman should never try to wrestle or box or otherwise beat up a man with a heart of competition in any situation outside of protecting herself against an attacker. So, parents of girls, I guess that's my encouragement to you. Don't let your daughters manhandle the guys around them. Help them learn to respect and honor men, and help them learn to receive love and care from the men around them. This is honoring to the God who created us, and it is a real picture of the interaction between Christ and His bride, the church.

Now, back to packing!