Man vs. Woman -- No One Wins In This Competition

I was just sitting down to take a quick break from packing, and I thought I'd check my e-mail. I get the daily feed from the Desiring God blog, a ministry of Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minneapolis, MN. One of today's entries titled "Over My Dead Body, Son" was written by John Piper. In response to the fact that a girl is going to the MN state wrestling championship for the first time, Piper provides an excellent call to those of us parenting boys (and particularly to the dads of boys) to help our sons think and act in a God-honoring fashion, specifically in the sports arena. After all, it can be a training ground for all of life. Here are a couple of excerpts, but you MUST check out the entire entry here:

"Come on, dads, have some courage. Just say, 'Over my dead body are you going to wrestle a girl.' Of course, they will call you prudish. But everything in you knows better.... Give your sons a bigger nobler vision of what it is to be a man. Men don't fight against women. They fight for women....

... This is not about courageous commitment to equality; it's about wimpy fear of criticism for doing what our hearts know is right.

... we should raise sons to think of themselves as protectors. Tell them they should lay their lives down to protect girls. Help them know that God designed them to grow up to be a picture of Jesus in their marriage. Nurture the instinct of a boy to fight for girls not against them."

For us, this training has started at the toddler stage. The boys are simply not allowed to wrestle or tackle girls. And even when they play football with me, we're helping them learn the difference between playing gently with Mommy and getting to go all out with Daddy. When we wrestle or tackle, they know they need to be gentle because I'm a girl... and because they're protecting the tiny baby growing inside me. And even then, we tell them over and over again that they cannot for any reason tackle or wrestle with another girl. Hopefully it sticks.

When I was in high school, there was a girl wrestler at one of the other schools in our district... and she was really good! I can't remember if she made it state, but she made it very far, that's for sure. Piper is definitely right to talk about how we can train our boys to care for and protect girls, but as a female myself, I think there is also something to our role in not trying to defeat the men around us. Talk about setting these guys up for total humiliation! Any guy who got beat by this girl was completely embarrassed to even walk through the halls of his school.

As women, there will be plenty of "manly" things at which we may excel... but it doesn't mean that we have to exercise all of those gifts in a competitive way. After all, if we do this, we're in danger of squashing the God-given desire of the men around us to love and cherish us, to honor and protect us. OF COURSE this does not mean that we are incapable of taking care of ourselves sometimes or that we have nothing to contribute to the world around us or that we can NEVER play a game of basketball or soccer against men/boys.

However, there is a certain way to handle ourselves as we enjoy these activities without crushing the men around us. For example, before my c-sections, I used to be able to hold Chet in my arms (under his back and legs) and swing him in circles. I could have flung him across the room I guess, but that wasn't the point. It was just fun, and we both thought it was fairly hilarious seeing as how he was at least 80 pounds heavier and 7 inches taller than me. I would have crossed the line if I had swung him around, flopped him down on the ground, pinned him to the floor, stood over him shouting in victory, and then told all my friends and the newspaper about how weak my husband was compared to me. Visualizing that picture makes me laugh in one sense because it's so ridiculous. But in reality, if I was actually capable of doing this and really carried it through with a heart to defeat this man, can you imagine what that would do to destroy our relationship and his ability to adopt his God-given role as leader of our home?

I definitely think it is fair to say that a woman should never try to wrestle or box or otherwise beat up a man with a heart of competition in any situation outside of protecting herself against an attacker. So, parents of girls, I guess that's my encouragement to you. Don't let your daughters manhandle the guys around them. Help them learn to respect and honor men, and help them learn to receive love and care from the men around them. This is honoring to the God who created us, and it is a real picture of the interaction between Christ and His bride, the church.

Now, back to packing!

Good Friends, Good Times!

Chet and I went to Atlanta over the weekend for our friend Kyle's wedding. Chet mentored Kyle when Kyle was in college, and Gabe's middle name is Kyle after this same fellow. We absolutely LOVE Kyle... seriously... intensely... like he's our brother. He's one of those people who is so close to our hearts that we agreed a long time ago we'd travel just about any distance to see him get married. WE LOVE KYLE! So we drove to Atlanta for his wedding. Kyle actually lives in Houston, so the drive to Atlanta was practically a hop, skip, and jump down the highway!

It would not have worked well for the boys to go along, so the Bloom and Murray families were so gracious to split the weekend and care for them while we were gone. What a treat! Ladan got to play in three different basements! He loves basements (and even prayed last night thanking God that his next house will have a basement... we'll see if he's right when we even think about moving). Oh, they had so much fun, and we didn't have to worry for a second about whether or not they would be okay. We are so blessed to have so many families in our church that literally feel like our own family!

Anyway, we showed up for the rehearsal a little bit late because we hit rush hour traffic coming into town. We arrived and changed at the church. I'm so thankful that I did my make-up and curled my hair in the car on the way! Yes, indeed, I did say I curled my hair in the car while we were driving. I didn't burn myself or anything else even a single time. It was great! When we were all ready, we walked into the sanctuary and saw Kyle and Amanda. I seriously had to restrain myself from running to the front of the church and giving Kyle a massive hug... but I held back.

I'll spare you all the details, but throughout the course of the rehearsal dinner, I think we all cried at least once (Chet, Kyle, and I) because we were so happy to see one another. Later that night, I was fairly emotional (Chet won't argue that one bit). Once I got through talking to Chet about all kinds of things, I just couldn't help but bawl my eyes out like a baby because I was so THANKFUL to the Lord for providing the perfect woman for Kyle. Amanda is seriously amazing! They just go together.

I think I got all my tears out on Friday night, but then Chet had to let the waterworks loose on Saturday off and on. He probably cried at least 5 or 6 times that I saw. He was so proud of Kyle and just so overwhelmed with gratitude that the Lord saw fit to put Kyle and Amanda together! Do you know how sometimes you can physically feel your heart almost like it's going to explode right out of your chest? That's how we both felt. What mercy and grace we saw this weekend! And what a joy it was to actually see our dear, dear friend in real life again. It's one thing to hear his deep broadcast-ready voice on the phone, but it's another thing to see his amazing smile and bright eyes in person. And, as if that wasn't enough, he would be a really strong contender for the "Best Hug Giver In the World" contest... if there was such a thing.

Kyle has always amazed us with his keen ability to sense how the Lord is directing him, test it against the Word, repent of sin if necessary, and move forward in faith. He was sitting in our room just a couple of hours before his wedding, and I asked him how he was doing, how the week was, etc. He told us about one of the really important lessons he had learned just that week....

Basically, he felt kind of crumby all week (physically). That on top of all the busyness of preparations and a lack of sleep resulted in him kind of checking out and basically not being mentally present on Thursday. Amanda responded so well to this, but she definitely noticed and asked him about it. After they talked about it for a while, he said he realized that when he checked out, she became paralyzed in a sense. She just didn't know what to do or how to act around him. She didn't want to start telling him what to do and getting frustrated for sure. Even though she did really well, he realized that he has no right to quit leading or being involved just because he's experiencing stress. He was so thankful to the Lord for showing this to him before he got married, even if it was just two days before.

All weekend, we heard over and over from all kinds of people about what a prayer warrior Amanda is. We heard Kyle talk about how she's supported him and prayed that the Lord would direct him in every way with regard to their relationship. We heard her family talk about how they have all been praying since Amanda was tiny that God would send her a godly husband... and about how Kyle is indeed the answer to all their prayers. I don't know about you, but that's really great motivation to be even more diligent in the same way, praying for my boys and their future wives.

Chet read scripture during the wedding and did a really awesome job! He had no microphone, but he projected his voice and read in such a way that even the people in the back of the sanctuary said that they appreciated the power with which he delivered the Word. All kinds of people kept commenting on how he did so well at making the Word come to life. They were right!

We took an extra night to stay and hang out while we could. It was our first getaway in three years (and the last one was only one night). We went to a Braves game, which was fun. We realized that we end up going to a baseball game pretty much every time we go on vacation. I guess that's a fun tradition, and I don't mind keeping it up.

We also spent some time talking about our personal and family goals for the next year. That conversation had its ups and downs for sure, but in the end, I think we're on the same page. If we decided to summarize with a theme (something that my friend, Jessica, is really good at), I think we'd arrive at "teamwork". Because of Chet's school and work schedule, it's really easy for us to get into a groove but end up doing "my thing" or "your thing". The idea is that we will work hard to do the things that we need to do and then make sure that we're asking how everyone else is doing in the quest to accomplish his/her goals. This will allow us to be even better encouragers of one another and to help one another even more. It's an elementary concept, and I'm just going to assume that we're not the only family on the planet that has to be intentional in this way if it's going to actually happen. I think I'll designate a separate post to a list of our goals.

I was kind of on fire all weekend coming up with all sorts of witty things to say (at least I thought they were). One time, I was holding a bag of coffee beans. I smacked Chet on the back with it and told him that I "beaned" him! And as we were driving to Kyle's wedding, there was a neighborhood on the left side of the road with a sign that said, "The opportunity of a lifetime" or something like that. I told Chet that we should tell Kyle we passed by the opportunity of a lifetime to come to his wedding! I forgot about it, and it's probably just as well. Enough of my shenanigans!

I also went to the doctor today and had my follow-up appointment after the lab work I had done about 6 weeks ago. It was very helpful, but I'll write more on that later.

Finally, if you remember, please pray for my brother. He just got back from Sudan again on Saturday, and he's pretty sick. It seems to get worse every time, and they're not exactly sure what the problem is... except that his leg pain is related to his sensory neuropathy and that he is very nauseous for a very long time after he gets home almost every time. Thanks!

Check These Out

I have thoroughly enjoyed some of my blog readings today.

First, my brother posted a helpful but also very entertaining entry giving us all new insight into how biblical wisdom applies to changing a flat tire on the side of the highway.

Then I happened to find a blog called Stuff White People Like, and... oh my good gracious! It had me cracking up out loud all by myself in my living room. I mean, seriously, this is amazingly accurate on almost every count, and I've only skimmed or read through the most recent 15 or so posts. I can already tell that this is going to be a source of enjoyment for me when I need a good pick-me-up. Nothing like being able to laugh at yourself when you're down in the dumps. And, on a day like today--a good day--well, you might just bust into a hearty chuckle or the kind of laughter that is completely silent and is accompanied by tears streaming down your face (and if you're my mom, you may throw in a snort or two!). NOTE: I definitely don't condone every activity highlighted as a preferred white person activity, but nevertheless, I think they do a pretty good job of pointing out what white people do and value.

And, finally, Amber has posted another entry in the Family Planning Series. In her post, she addresses the question, "What if my spouse and I don't hold the same convictions on this issue?" Check it out and keep your eyes on her blog. She's planning to unpack a few other relatively common issues that tend to further complicate an already complicated issue. And while you're on her page, try to remember to say a quick prayer for her as she enters the last few weeks of her pregnancy. She's really trying to keep this little guy in for another couple weeks if possible.

We've got a busy few weeks ahead of us. Next Thursday Chet finishes his finals, marking the completion of his third year of seminary! That same day, I fly to Fort Worth to go to my brother's graduation. Next Friday, Chet turns 30!!!!! I'm sad I'll miss his actual birthday, but I can't have Gabe feeling like he's the only one I skip town on. Kidding. I really did miss Gabe's first birthday, but we celebrated on another day. If it makes you all feel better, I'll also be out of town on Mother's Day and won't get to hear my kids tell me how cool I am or anything like that. They'll have to save that for another day too.

Then Chet leaves for India the following weekend. We're in the process of working toward a scenario that would allow him to quit the UPS job, which means that we'll have to do some legwork to apply for insurance and get a bunch of other medical stuff done between now and the time his UPS insurance (which pays for nearly everything) ends. So basically, we have about a million and three chores to complete between now and the middle of May, but we're really excited about everything that's coming up! I'll keep you updated on all that, and I'll be posting at least another entry or two to wrap up the Family Planning series.