Realistic Optimism: Lessons from a Seven-Year-Old

Earlier today, I was explaining to the kids that I want to try out an Ergo baby carrier with Claire in it (one of our local stores has them in stock and allows you to test them with your kiddos). Ladan replied, "Cool. I guess if it works, you can use it for Claire when we walk too far for her to keep up. And then, if our baby doesn't die, you can use it for the baby too." Just that matter of fact. Yes. Precisely. And WOW!

I love that he doesn't take things for granted and at the same time isn't fatalistic and woeful. We have walked through some tough situations with friends who have miscarried, friends who have had stillborn babies, friends who have had children die shortly after birth, and friends who have had children die at very young ages. As it turns out, several of our friends are dealing with trials like these right now. We explain to Ladan what's happening and how we can pray for these families throughout. Ladan has learned not to just assume that everything is always going to be fine. He tears up when he learns about the death of a baby. And he prays for the families he knows are struggling as they grieve the loss of their little ones.

At the same time, he can maintain a balance that also does not assume that something WILL go wrong. As he is fully aware that things can and do go wrong sometimes, he is also consistently looking at the bright side of things and remembering all that there is to be thankful for. He can do this in a way that doesn't make light of horrifying situations and at the same time doesn't minimize the great things that are happening. It's a pretty great characteristic for a barely-7-year-old, I think.

It's the kind of approach where you truly look forward to what's ahead and can be genuinely and overwhelmingly thankful if and when things go really well... because you know that it didn't have to be that way. You know that things could have gone really wrong. But they didn't. And that is not to be taken for granted. But what if things go wrong? Well, you knew that was a possibility. And as much as it still stinks to high heaven when you're in the middle of it, and you could be gasping for air to breathe because it's so hard, you know that there must be SOMETHING to be thankful for. You just have to find it. It might take time, but you'll find it if your eyes and heart are open.

It's realistic optimism, and I love it! It's just a hunch, but I think the Lord also delights in seeing this kind of thinking in the mind of a 7-year-old He created.

Here She Is... Claire Ellise

We are SO EXCITED to announce that the Lord has blessed us with a precious baby girl!

Claire Ellise was born August 6, 2009 at 10:02am.

She weighed 7 lb. 11 oz. and measured 20.5 inches in length.

She has tiny little features; dark blue eyes (we'll see if they change); long skinny arms, legs, fingers and toes; squishy little cheeks; a super-cute face; and two big brothers who ADORE her!

Here's the story....

We arrived at the hospital at 6am on Thursday. We were scheduled for 8am, but we had a slight delay because there was a woman who needed an emergency c-section ahead of us. I was that woman needing to bump someone else five years ago, so we didn't mind. It was nice to have the extra time, actually, because I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotic they gave me and needed some time to let the Benadryl take over. Here we are waiting.

Things were in good shape after they gave me the anesthesia and got me past the associated nausea and super-low blood pressure leading to cold sweats and lightheadedness. I know that those things are going to happen, so I warn them, and they have the stuff ready to remedy things and get me back to normal quickly. This photo was taken during the surgery. Kind of funny, huh?

And here is Miss Claire making her entry into the world! They invited Chet to look over the curtain when they had just her head out, but for some reason, he declined and waited until this moment! :) Seriously, I'm pretty sure I would have passed out on his behalf if he had actually looked over that curtain. Smart guy!

Ladan and Gabe were in good hands with Chet's mom and sister back at the house. They were very excited to meet their baby sister! Ladan was very quiet and reserved entering the room, because he knew what had just happened to me and that I'd be pretty sore. He crawled up into the bed with me very gently and asked if he could hold his baby sister. He is AMAZING with her! He holds her so gently, gives her kisses on her cheeks and forehead and tells her he loves her all the time. He will literally hold her for an hour, and he asks multiple times a day if he can sit with her. It's so great to see him protecting her and caring for her this way!

Gabe loves her too! He wants to give her hugs and kisses. He also enjoys messing up her hair and saying, "Crazy hair!" to her. He was thankful to hold this little dog that my mom sent for Claire. He took care of the dog while Ladan took care of Claire. It was really fun!

Here are some of Claire's visitors...

Aunt Megan, Keith Sparrow (Claire is the first baby Keith has held, and he was FANTASTIC with her!), and my mom (Stephanie)

Chet's mom (Glenna), and of course another one of Mommy and Ladan with Claire.

The sleeping girl. She loves to sleep, that's for sure!

We spent quite a bit of time like this in the room... me holding Claire with the boys at the foot of the bed eating a snack or watching a movie. In these pictures, they're watching Tom and Jerry for the first time ever. Ladan was belly laughing through much of it!

We were also blessed to have a helicopter pad right outside our window! The boys got to see helicopters lift off and land several times a day, which was great fun! As soon as Gabe would come into the room, he'd run to the window and exclaim, "I wanna' see a pretty cool helicopter!" Chet was at least as entertained by it as the boys were!

On our way home Sunday morning!

And here we are at home! The boys were sporting their "Big Brother" t-shirts that my mom sent them, and they were ready to greet their baby sister as soon as we arrived!

While we were in the hospital, Claire lost quite a bit of weight--10% of her original weight--but she was on the uphill climb by the time we left. We took her to the doctor today, and she had gained back another ounce. She isn't in any danger of jaundice, so that's great! And it seems like everything else has checked out okay.

While this c-section has been difficult just because of what it is, my recovery has been better than the other two for sure. There seem to be several reasons for this. I didn't have to labor like I did with Ladan, and Claire wasn't gripping my insides like Gabe was. They also gave me a binder to wrap around my mid-section in the hospital, and it is an amazing help! I didn't have anything like this with either of the boys, but I so wish I had! It really helps to keep things off my incision and holds my muscles in better position so that they're not constantly being strained all day. I'm very thankful for this band of elastic!

We are more than grateful for the extra help we've had! Chet's mom is here with us for a total of 10 days, which is a huge sacrifice for her at this point (though she would never ever make us feel badly about it). She's taking time away from work and from getting her own home back in order after the tornado that went through a few months ago. She's excellent help! After she goes, my mom and then my stepmom are coming to extend our help for an extra week and a half or so. Not everyone has this kind of help, and we are not taking it for granted!

Well, I'm off to try to get some sleep! It's a good thing I'm on pain medication that requires me to sleep. Otherwise, I'd probably be overdoing it right now!

(For some weird reason, I cannot get Blogger to follow directions when I return down to start a new paragraph... and I also have no energy left to continue trying just so it looks perfect... so thanks for bearing with me!)

Claire Ellise

Below is a copy of an e-mail I sent out to some folks tonight to provide an update on Baby Claire after today's ultrasound. When we had our first ultrasound in mid-April, the only "issue" was that she has an echogenic foci (described below). They were checking today to see if it was gone yet and just to check to see that everything's still in good order otherwise. So here's the update...

I am 28 weeks and 6 days pregnant today. Claire weighs 2 pounds 14 ounces, which is right about average. She has hair on her head (we'll see if she keeps that or if it falls out and refrains from growing back for a year and a half like her brothers' hair). She does still have the echogenic foci, which shows up as a tiny shiny fleck in her heart on the ultrasound. About 1% or less of babies who still have this during the second trimester end up having Down's syndrome, which is really the only possible connected condition to the echogenic foci. So far, there are no other indicators that she has Down's, and the doctor today didn't even mention it. When he said, "Her heart looks good," I asked him if the foci was gone (because I was pretty sure I saw it about 5 different times during the ultrasound). He said, "Oh, well, there is a note here that it's still present, but there's almost no chance that it will turn into anything. We'll just let the pediatrician know, and that's about it." So, of course, we're not making assumptions that she's perfectly healthy with absolutely nothing to think about, but there's really no reason to research anything further at this point. We'll see what happens when she comes out.

There is one other issue to consider.... She probably actually has a greater chance of being born with whiplash than Down's syndrome! Today during the ultrasound, the tech was trying to get a 3-D image of her face, and she kept turning her back on us. I pushed up on my belly from the underside three times, and what we saw on the screen was HILARIOUS! Her head was thrown back and forth three times just like she had just been through a car wreck and they were replaying it in slow motion over and over again. She looked like a crash test dummy! We all cracked up laughing! I wish we had it on video! Praise God for allowing these babies to grow in a safe environment where they're protected from crazy moms! :)

Anyway, she's growing well, everything looks normal (even the echogenic foci is often considered a "normal" condition in that it shows up fairly regularly in healthy babies), there's just the right amount of amniotic fluid in there with her which is a sign of a healthy baby, and she's moving around plenty! At one point, she yawned really big, which was pretty funny. I started thinking though. Isn't it crazy how God designs for babies to develop in this strange fluid, breathing it in, swallowing it, and moving around in it... and if they come out too early, they can't breathe air well and will die? And then, once they're done developing, something happens. They're born, and as soon as they come out, they need to be cleared of all the fluid immediately, because if they're not breathing air, they'll die. In an instant, their means of survival changes to something so completely opposite. It's just wild!

I've included a couple of the ultrasound photos. Her cord was floating in front of her face, so we couldn't get a complete 3-D shot of her face... but there's definitely enough that you can see her pretty well. Keep in mind, of course, that things are a little bit distorted because of the fluid she's living in and because she's still got a lot of skin to grow into, so she's not likely to actually come out with a wrinkled face and droopy cheeks!





I have a whole list of things that I'm wanting to write updates about, but for now I'm going to call it a night. I'm planning to wake up "early" (which for me will be about 7am) to go to a used homeschooling book sale tomorrow. I've identified the curriculum I'd like to use with Ladan this next year, and I'm hoping I can find a good deal on at least a couple of the items. We'll see how it goes!

Transition Time

We're still waiting to hear from our lender if our closing date on the new house is March 13, but so far as the realtor knows, that's what we're still shooting for. So we've reserved the truck, and we'll just change it if we have to. I'll be thankful to know for sure what we're looking at as a closing date... and at the same time, part of me will want to have a heart attack because it's all coming up already! :)

Saturday night some of our good friends are having a going away party for us and the Prestons. It's a little bit strange to think about the fact that, in just a few weeks, we won't be seeing all these people every week or more. There are SO MANY people we will miss terribly! While it's very sad, on a different level, the fact that we literally have hundreds of friends with whom we've connected in less than four years is an AMAZING blessing from the Lord! I cannot even imagine what our lives would have been like without our church family here! There is also a certain level of comfort that comes from knowing that our time on earth is short compared to the eternity we get to spend in heaven with these brothers and sisters in Christ!

Quite honestly, I think I would be crying every day if I wasn't so sure that we are indeed following the Lord's call on our lives and if we didn't have such a great team to labor and share life with as we plant this church.

Ladan has started clinging to his friends even more over the last few weeks. He does well with transition in most cases, but he's definitely going to miss his friends and his teachers at church. It's sad for me to see him have to leave his friends. The great thing is that he will likely be the one telling me that everything is okay! I would like to try as hard as I can to get the boys together with at least a few of their friends for a fun play time before we go... a time when it's focused on THEM having fun (as opposed to them having to be "quiet and controlled" while the adults get to have fun). Now we just need to pray for a decent weather day so we can give them some room to run!

As I've been packing and sorting through things, I've gotten rid of some of the boys' things. Before I get rid of each item, I let Ladan know what I'm doing and why we're getting rid of that particular item. Today, I was throwing away this random project he made one day, and when I told him what I was doing, he asked what was wrong with it. He asked if it was dirty. I told him it wasn't dirty but that we just needed to get rid of it. He suggested that I get rid of part and save the other part. I explained that it wasn't really going to work that way, and he quickly and happily agreed, "Oh, well, that's fine. Just throw it in the trash." I mean, seriously, he's awesome! It's like he just appreciates knowing what's going on and why, and that's all he needs. I'm not taking it for granted, that's for sure! He is LOVING the process of packing and is a great help to me! He brings me boxes, hands me things that are out of my reach to put in the boxes, gets me the tape/marker, and gives me a high five or a huge hug every time we get another box packed and closed.

Gabe has been really great too. He is clearly addicted to the movie, Cars. I know my two-year-old should not be addicted to a movie, but if you were moving and could see the way his face lights up every single time he gets to see it, you might not argue about it too much either. He has memorized many parts of the movie and recites them before they're coming up. He also plays with his cars at other times of the day and acts out scenes from the movie. Speaking of reciting movie lines, one of his favorite things to do is recite the entire Ring of Fire scene from Finding Nemo with Chet. It's hilarious, and I MUST get it on video!

When he wakes up in the morning, he plays quietly in his bed for a few minutes. As soon as I open the door, he jumps up and down in his bed and screams, "Mom!" Then immediately says, "Change diaper." While we're working on that, he says, "I wanna eat oh-mee-oh an miwk" (oatmeal and milk). And while we're working on getting that ready, he says with great excitement, "I wanna watch a voovie" (movie). He's still learning what it means when I say that we can do that later. As soon as he hears me say "We can do that...", he starts cheering and jumping up and down. And then when he's sitting there eating and I'm still not turning on the movie, he's emotionally destroyed and starts crying. Thankfully he gets over it quickly. I'm trying to balance being patient--considering that he's still learning the meaning of somewhat abstract concepts--with training him not to argue and complain when he doesn't get what he wants.

He has started saying, "I wuw [love] you, Mom!" more often and has been giving the best hugs lately. He squeezes his arms around me and pats me on the back. He's a cutie, that's for sure! These kids are fantastic!

My belly is growing at a much faster rate than it did with the previous two, but I'm gaining weight a bit more slowly. I ordered a new pair of maternity yoga pants when they were on sale last week, and they came the other day. I'm fairly certain that I'll be living in these pants for the next few months. They're AWESOME!

Chet and I took a break the other night to watch Fireproof. It was really an excellent movie--very encouraging! The bonus features were definitely worth watching too.

How's that for another random assortment of thoughts and updates? I'm sure my posts will resemble this pattern for the next little bit.

Short Snip-its of Life

Okay, over the last few weeks, I have had about a million random thoughts, and quite a few things have happened. Here is an effort to bring you up to speed without taking an hour to get it all down. This list will be in no particular order of events or thoughts, because that's not how my brain is operating right now. So here's a glimpse into my head...

We are buying a house in Champaign-Urbana, IL so we can move hopefully within the next several weeks.

There's a lot to do in the next several weeks.

I have a hard time considering leaving some of my best friends in the whole world behind. But I'm thankful for the phone and internet and cars that get good gas mileage.

I'm going to miss taking long showers and not running out of hot water ever. I think that's the only thing I can think of right now that I'll miss about this apartment in particular.

I'm excited that the only footsteps I'll hear overhead are from people I have let into my own home.

I'm also excited that I won't have to hear the same song being played repeatedly (did I say REPEATEDLY?) on another person's piano at strange hours when it's not very convenient.

I'm looking forward to being in a place where the ground is flat enough that I can see the sunset on a more regular basis.

I'm going to miss going to the river and just sitting there to collect my thoughts. I'm sure there will be some other place I can find to do this kind of activity.

My belly is becoming larger by the day! I was hoping to hold off on getting the maternity clothes out of storage before we move, but I'm thinking it's not going to be possible. I am thankful I can still wear my regular jeans (not even my size larger regular jeans), but I'm thinking that's going to end very quickly.

It's going to be great to have Chet home at night and awake during the day. However, it's going to be a bit of a transition for me not to have my couple of hours every night when the boys are asleep and he's gone at work to get my own stuff done in peace and quiet.

Times like moving make me miss my dad more than normal. He helped me/us move several times. He was a workhorse and would get the job done well and efficiently. He never got mad at me for doing something that didn't make sense (like putting a box down right in the middle of the walking path), but he did make plenty of jokes about it! When I asked him to do something, he'd always say in his monotone voice, "Yes, dear," and tried to communicate to Chet that this was a helpful thing to say. I wish my dad could help us move into our first house and that he could see the boys get really excited about their new basement, back yard, and bedroom. I wish he had been able to meet the boys in the first place. He'd be really excited for us, I'm sure... that is, if "excited" is the right word to describe my dad at any point! The Lord knows best. I think Dad would for sure be proud to know that we used the money he left us to get through seminary and that we're starting a new adventure without any debt (aside from that massive home loan we're taking on, anyway).

I finished a book called Always Too Soon to Quit by Nancy Bramlett last week. It was good. It was also nice to finish a book.

I need some time to shape my eyebrows. I feel like they're taking over my forehead. I'm thankful I don't have a unibrow, or I'd be in trouble.

I love my family. I'm really proud of Chet. Ladan is getting huge (he's grown another 2 inches and gained 5 pounds in the last few months) and is so smart and thoughtful. Gabe is still tiny, and I'll be glad when his cuteness factor wears off a little bit more so I'm not constantly second-guessing myself when I'm giving him direction or training him.

I'm very THANKFUL that Amber (my sister-in-law) learned that kids like Titus (my nephew) and Gabe who are super-active often have skin issues because their bodies use up all of their vitamins when they're running around and they have nothing left for basic health. They apparently also need extra omega-3's. So we put Gabe on an immune booster and an omega-3 supplement on top of his Flintstones, and within 2 weeks, ALL of his eczema and weird wart things were TOTALLY gone!

Gabe then got a bacterial skin infection somehow. He had to be put on his first antibiotic (well, if we wanted him to be able to be around other kids instead of stuck at home for 2-3 weeks). It's been 3 weeks, and it's almost all completely faded. Within the next week, he should be back to that baby-soft skin kids are supposed to have... as opposed to alligator- or snake-like skin.

I get very irritated that the Sports Illustrated swim suit issue is displayed at the check-out counter without the paper "modesty" cover it used to have. For the next month at least, please beware. It's everywhere! And it's not at all helpful for any person to see it.

Thanks to Judy, I got my chocolate-covered strawberries last weekend!!!!! Excellent treat!

We had a great time serving dinner at the Ronald McDonald House with our small group a couple weeks ago. If you've never done it, you should give it a shot. If you have done it, you should do it again. Good times!

I don't really like that my dreams seem to get crazier and more vivid when I'm pregnant. I could really do without that. It kind of freaks me out.

I've had fun figuring and refiguring our finances during the last few months. Excel spreadsheets are my friend. (FYI--I know that last sentence isn't grammatically correct.)

I've had the incredible urge to ride in some sort of topless vehicle (convertible, jeep, whatever) with the radio turned up... singing loudly with my friends. Monster ballads would be fun!

For some strange reason, I kind of want to watch the Oscars this year... even though I honestly haven't even heard of at least 60% of the movies, and I think I've only seen two of them on the entire list of nominated films. And I probably would get annoyed with it anyway. I just always think it's fun to see someone be recognized for hard work, especially work that I am not cut out for at all.

I'm thankful for the group of people who is committed to our church plant in Illinois. So far we have 12 adults and 8 kids (soon to be 10 kids). It seems like we'll be a good team!

I'm 15 weeks pregnant and feel MUCH better now that I'm out of my first trimester. My gall bladder is even behaving. Sure makes moving and doing all of these other things more reasonable!

This is nowhere near a million thoughts, but you can get a picture of life around here for the last little bit. We'll keep you posted!

A Long Overdue Update

Well, a lot has happened in the last few weeks! We went to Missouri for 10 days to do our Christmas marathon of visiting family. The boys started the trip sick with colds and ended it sick with the flu. But we had a great time visiting with everyone and were able to see most of our family members and even some friends, which was great!

While we were gone, Megan (Chet's sister) helped me identify that the unusual symptoms I was having were likely related to gall bladder problems. So when I got home, I started researching in my Smart Medicine for Healthier Living book and found several natural remedies. Since I'm in the first trimester of pregnancy, the only one that my doctor wants me to try is the olive oil and lemon juice combo. The book recommended 3 tbsp. of olive oil mixed with the juice of one lemon, which is to be ingested right before bed and then again in the morning before breakfast. I did this for a couple of days...

and then I got the stomach bug that the boys had! Needless to say, I didn't attempt to drink olive oil and lemon juice at this point! In two days of having the flu I lost 4 or 5 pounds and was not in good shape. My gall bladder did feel better because I was eating absolutely no fat (or much of anything for that matter), but as soon as I ate a slice of cheese when I was better, the gall bladder problems came back.

I went to the doctor today for my first OB appointment, and we talked some about the gall bladder issues. She's ordered an ultrasound of my gall bladder, and we'll decide what to do from there. When I came home a friend had sent me directions for a different (more intense) version of the olive oil and lemon juice cleanse. So I'll run that by the doctor to see if I can try it before the ultrasound or if she'd rather I wait until after. I'm really hoping it works! I'm not exactly all that interested in having an unnecessary surgery, particularly if something like olive oil and lemon juice can take care of it.

On a more exciting note, there was a 5-day discrepancy between when the paper dating wheel they use in the doctor's office said I conceived and when my temperature changed (signifying ovulation if you don't know anything about the fertility awareness method of charting). The doctor likes to do c-sections one week early, and so the 5-day difference could be big one way or the other. In order to determine my exact due date, she had me have an early ultrasound during today's visit.

According to the ultrasound, I am exactly 10 weeks and 2 days pregnant, which means my due date is August 15, 2009. The baby was moving around like crazy. It has only one head with developing facial features and has two arms, two legs, tiny little fingers and tiny little toes. There is a very strong heartbeat racing along at 169 beats per minute. They say faster heartrates can indicate that it's a girl, but I'm not counting my chickens, because Ladan and Gabe both had fairly high heartrates as well.

As the ultrasound tech was trying to get around my uterus to see my ovaries, I was watching the baby jumping all around doing something like jumping jacks. I said, "Can you even believe that people throw these babies in the trash can like it's nothing?" She said, "I have never been an ultrasound tech who is pro-abortion. I just look at these tiny little bodies and how early their hearts beat and everything starts developing and have no idea how someone can discard them as nothing important." Seriously. This is why it is so great when crisis pregnancy centers can have ultrasound machines right in their offices.

I was bummed that Chet didn't get to see it (he's sitting in a philosophy class all week), but he'll for sure get to see the later one, which will be even more fun!

With regard to our move to Champaign, Chet's been working HARD to get things in order. Our good friends, Logan and Allison Preston, and their three children are making the move with us. There may be others who decide to go as well, which would be awesome! There are already 5 people in Champaign who are committed to the church, and there may be more before we even arrive... thanks to Jim Smith, our good friend there who is working from that end. Chet is applying for jobs, and we'll start talking with lenders to determine if we'll be able to buy a home at this point. We still have enough in savings, but since our future income sources seem a little bit all over the place, they may require that we get there and get established a bit before buying. We'll see how it shakes out. Anyway, once Chet gets a job and we find a place to live, we'll make the move. It's a bit of a whirlwind, that's for sure!

I'll end with a little story. The other night during small group, one of the high school girls was watching the kids. Apparently, Ladan had a very hard time obeying and was openly defiant several times. She explained the situation to me, so before I left to take her home, I told Chet that Ladan would have to have discipline when they got home. Chet took care of that, and I was putting Ladan to bed a while later. I talked to him for a few minutes about how it made me sad to hear that he had disobeyed Cali and had treated her and the other kids poorly. I reminded him that this is sin and that it is what separates us from God. I reminded him that this is why we need Jesus, to save us from our sins.

After that quick talk, we moved on to our story. We just happened to be on the story of Zaccheus in his Jesus Storybook Bible. The story talks about how Zaccheus didn't have any friends because he was stealing from people. This was disobeying God, and he was a sinner. Jesus came along and rescued Zaccheus from his sinning. He forgave Zaccheus and gave Zaccheus a new heart. Zaccheus wanted to obey God after that.

We prayed after the story. Ladan hasn't wanted to pray out loud for a little while for some reason. He likes to just close his eyes and listen to us pray. But this time, as I was thanking God for sending Jesus to save us, he interjected, "Thank you, God, for saving me from my sinning." We went on to pray that God would help Ladan understand what Jesus did for him when He died and rose again and that God would help Ladan believe and trust in Him and want to obey and love others well. I was so thankful that he was owning his sin and that he is able to verbalize that he needs to be rescued from it. The Lord is working in his little heart!

Oh, one more thing. You'll never believe it....

CHET HAS A FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!