Family Planning Post #12: Where We Are Now

I'm posting two entries in a row, so if you missed the Helpful Bible Study in post 11, you'll want to go back to it. I didn't write it, but there's no sense reinventing the wheel if someone else has already done a great job. Check it out.

I want to take a minute now to let you know where we are with regard to our current situation....

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have had two c-sections and may come to a point at which we decide enough is enough based on medical recommendations. So, what will we do? Here are my thoughts regarding each method of birth control mentioned:

Natural Family Planning--It can be highly effective at preventing pregnancy if I understand my charts and cycles well enough. The major downside for me is considering abstaining during my possible fertile times (for me, it seems like this is about 10-15 days of each cycle) every month for another 15-20 years. Since the time I'm most interested in intimacy falls during my most fertile time, this is even more challenging, but I'd be willing to do it if this was our best option. I'm doing a lot of research to determine what I can do nutritionally to help concentrate this fertile period of time and cause my cycles to be more regular.

Overall, there is nothing sinful about NFP, unless I use my charting (or lack of diligence in charting) as a way to manipulate my husband into getting what I want at a given point in time. This is most likely to happen if I were to want a baby and he wasn't ready. Husbands, it is possible for you to manipulate your wives one way or the other as well or to put undue pressure on her to "figure it out" accurately as she's trying to interpret her charts. That's why NFP is best done with both spouses cooperating and learning TOGETHER along the way.

Withdrawal--I do not believe that withdrawal is inherently sinful, though it's not always super-effective.

Barrier Methods--Since spermicides are out of the question for Chet and I based on their potential to cause birth defects, it seems like condoms without spermicides are the only reasonable method of birth control in this category (the others might be fine if used without spermicides, but they're not nearly as effective as condoms, so we probably wouldn't use them).

Hormonal Technologies (pill, shot, patch, implant)--I just cannot come to the conclusion that these things are ever okay, unless a person is not married and is taking them to remedy some kind of health problem. Even in that case, while you're not risking the abortion of a child, it seems like these hormones tend to mask problems rather than fixing them. Additionally, there are so many side effects that I would definitely chart (using NFP guidelines) and explore every possibility to take care of problems nutritionally. Surprisingly, there is a LOT you can do to help with symptoms of endometriosis, polycystic ovarian syndrome, etc. just by changing your diet and adding various nutritional supplements. Sometimes the dietary changes are dramatic, but it beats pumping your body with hormones and risking the side effects or the possibility of aborting a child.

IUD--No.

Sterilization--Sterilization is a very big deal. It's permanent. It changes the way the body was designed to operate. And it's employed all too often in my opinion. Chet and I still have not decided whether or not this is an acceptable option for us. Because of the increased risk of ectopic pregnancy and all of the awful personal side effects caused by tubal ligation, Chet and I have ruled this out as a possibility, even if I'm already lying open on the operating table during a future c-section. As for vasectomy, there are all manner of conflicting thoughts that go through our minds...

• 100 years ago, I wouldn't have been sitting here having experienced two c-sections and wondering what to do if my body is done. I'd be dead, and so would Ladan (our oldest). With the improvement in medical options to help us survive the first childbirth (and then the second), we're now sitting in a much more complicated situation as we try to figure out what to do with our future medical situations.
• What if I die, and Chet gets remarried to a woman who wants to have her own children? My body is the "defective" one, so is it a good idea for him to be sterilized even though nothing is wrong with his body?
• There is a list of possible side effects that go along with vasectomy (some very serious), and there is also a long list of side effects associated with having many c-sections. I'm only 29, which means I could quite possibly have a long period of fertility ahead of me. Are we in a position to determine (with our doctors' help) the point at which one set of medical side effects becomes worse than the other and consider vasectomy if it seems like the risks of c-sections become too great?

It seems to me that there are not all that many circumstances that would justify permanent sterilization as a method that Christian couples should employ. However, I'm also not ready to say that it is altogether unacceptable without any exception. As I've mentioned, it does seem like there might be a more concrete moral issue associated with tubal ligation since it carries the increased risk of ectopic pregnancy with it.

Honestly, I don't know the answers to our questions regarding sterilization right now. Until we're settled, I'm spending my time researching as much as I can about how to "read" my body and how to use nutritional means to bring my body to a more consistent cycle. If I can get my more fertile time concentrated down to 5-7 days, we might just be better off to use NFP as long as possible to prevent pregnancy after I've had "enough" c-sections. In the meantime, we'll keep in mind that, since we're not guaranteed any additional pregnancies, we may never have to make this decision... and if I do find myself having another c-section, the doctor will let me know at that time how I'm healing and what the risk of having another would be.

Either way, I will likely ALWAYS chart my cycles. There are so many benefits to charting in addition to family planning--earlier detection of problems (cysts, cancers, thyroid problems, etc.), detection of nutritional deficiencies or poor habits (not enough sleep), and more. I really value the vast array of information I can gather just by taking 45 seconds each day to notice how my body is working. One benefit in particular is that I can know whether or not I'm pregnant without wasting a bunch of money on pregnancy tests--for a girl with irregular cycles, this is VERY helpful for my peace of mind and our budget!

If you're a single woman, I think it's really great to learn about this stuff (charting, etc.). It can be so helpful to you as an indicator of health. Should you be blessed with marriage, you will already know what's going on with your body. And if you have the gift of singleness for your entire life, it can be super-helpful at helping you detect all manner of issues that you might not otherwise notice.

In the end, it boils down to four possible options for us: Natural Family Planning, condoms WITHOUT spermicides, withdrawal, or MAYBE vasectomy... but we're not ready for that yet. The Lord has been merciful to reveal so much to us already. I don't know all the answers today, but He will be faithful to provide wisdom.

I do have regrets about choices that we made in the past regarding birth control, but I am not weighed down with guilt. I cannot change them, and the Lord has forgiven me. I can, however, use the information I've learned along with the story of our journey to help others avoid the same pitfalls.

If you too are a believer who is using a method of birth control that you have been convicted is sinful, my recommendation is that you confess that to the Lord, don't do it anymore, and accept his forgiveness. If it was a lack of information that caused you to make poor decisions, get educated and humbly pass the information along to other people you know. If you knew the risks of a certain method and were simply in rebellion, this too can be a powerful testimony to those around you. Don't let shame prevent you from being a light to others.

And if you are in a place like we are where you just don't know what the Lord would have you do, all I can recommend is that you keep studying the facts and the Word of God; pray for wisdom; talk things over with at least one person/couple who can give you wise counsel; and, until you have clarity, stick with the method that doesn't cause either you or your spouse to have a stained conscience.

Along the way, we've received some really helpful advice, some of which I'd like to compile into a list of random tidbits in my next post.

Are there other questions you have that have not been addressed so far? I would be so grateful to hear them, as there may be aspects of this issue that I haven't addressed yet.